Is This the Person God Meant for Me?
By: Kathlyn R. Calier
Often young girls are in a hurry to be in a relationship. I was too. I wanted a boy to call me on the phone, hold my hand at school, take me to the dances, pick me up in his really nice car, take me places, and protect me. You know all the things a boy is supposed to do.
My problem? No one would “ask me out” ‘cause I was only Black girl in the school. I had tons of friends. I was very involved in school activities. I was a cheerleader. I didn’t need to have a boyfriend, but I just wanted one. So my alternative was to have really good friends that I still have to this day. But when I was in the midst, I thought I would just die if I didn’t have a boyfriend of my own. Obviously, Someone was looking out for me I just didn’t know it at the time.
Many of my other friends had boyfriends. It didn’t matter how foolish the boys were or how “crazy looking” the boys were or how dumb the boys were or how badly the girls were treated. All that mattered is that they belonged to someone. All the girls wanted someone to call “boyfriend.” They were so desperate that they were willing to “hook up” with any ‘ol loser. To me, it almost seemed like the more inappropriate the boys were, the more desirable he would became to all the girls. I was the only girl on the planet that didn’t have a boyfriend, or so I thought. This pattern practiced early on in life tends to follow women into their 20’s, 30’s, and 40’s when choosing the right one.
Why do we accept these types of guys in our life? Many times it’s because we’re lonely or we just want to have what the other girls have. The only problem with that is we usually fail to first ask the Person who knows us best His opinion on the subject. We’re quick to look for a guy with the best car, the nicest smile or one who makes loads of money, but we are very slow to ask ourselves the most important question of all: Is this the person God meant for me? Someone delights in looking out for us do we include Him in our plans?
Let’s take a quick quiz. True or False.
- When he hits me it means that he loves me a lot?
- When he is really jealous it means that he really loves me more than life itself?
- It’s okay if he spends most of his time with his friends and very little time with me?
- It’s alright if he criticizes me, that just shows me that he wants me to be the best I can be?
- It’s okay if he’s always looks at other girls when he’s with me; all that matters is that he’s my boyfriend?
- Who cares if my parents don’t like him, and he’s mean to my friends and family they don’t know the guy that I know. He’s different when we’re alone?
You should have said “false” in response to all of these comments. I’m sure they sound silly, but believe it or not these are some of the relationship issues that young girls deal with all of the time. It’s important to remember the world’s views are false and misleading just like the answers to these questions. Now it’s time to take a closer look at spiritually healthy relationships.
What does a healthy, God-filled relationship look like?
And, how do I choose the right guy for me?
Well, by the “world’s” [non-Christians] standards, choosing a man doesn't’t require much thought. The bar is not set too high. Picking Mr. Right is pretty simple. Is he cute? Does he drive a nice car? Does he have a nice body? Or the world forces you to pick a man under pressure. All my friends have boyfriends. I’ll look stupid if I don’t have a boyfriend. People will think something’s wrong with me if I don’t have one or the ever-so popular reason I’m so lonely. Bottom line is let God choose your mate!
Our journey through life as Christian girls is not to follow the world. God has plenty to say about this subject in His Word: For the wisdom of the world is foolishness in God’s sight (1 Corinthians 3:19 NIV). We [Christians] have different standards from which we must live and the first step to choosing a mate is to let God choose the right guy for you. Let the person who knows you better than anyone in the world choose your mate. He’s been planning your life for longer than you can even imagine. O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; you understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways (Psalm 139:1-3 NKJV). He knows every thought you have and detail about you. He delights in knowing that He is the center of our lives. He can help you recognize a healthy relationship.
A healthy relationship puts God into its center immediately. When you meet a guy, God should be a topic of conversation on the very first date. Your first question to him should be “are you a Christian.” Now remember, anyone can say they’re Christian, so beware. We’ll deal with discernment and “fruit” later on. A healthy relationship is pleasing to God. Ask yourself these questions: As God is looking down on me, is He pleased with what he sees in my relationship? Does my relationship allow my light to shine for Christ or does my relationship extinguish my light? You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven (Matthew 5:14-16 NIV). God has instructed us to be light in this dark world and your relationship should challenge you to shine even brighter.
Does he encourage me to be a better Christian? Is he an asset [benefit] to my life or a liability [burden]? Does he challenge me spiritually? Your guy is not responsible for bringing wholeness to your life because that’s God’s job. But your guy is however, supposed to enrich your life, make it even better than it already is and encourage you to draw closer to Christ with each passing day. Do you have spiritual things in common? All the believers were together and had everything in common (Acts 2:44 NIV). It’s essential that you have things in common, such as your love for God and the desire to do His will! If your answers to all of these questions are “yes”, then it sounds like you might have a good one!