Is it Spiritually Healthy to Date a Non-Christian?
By Kathy R. Calier
The Word has a very clear answer to this question: NO! Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV).Yes, we are in the world but we are not to be of this world. Again, our job is to be light in a dark world. The verse also addresses being equally yoked. In other words, are you spiritually compatible? Definition of yoke is a wooden crossbar linking two load-pulling animals. If one animal is sickly and weak and the other one is strong, then they cannot pull the plow effectively. And so it is in a relationship. If one mate is Christian and the other is a non-believer, then the relationship is spiritually lopsided.
However, you choose to look at it, dating a non-Christian is a choice! Our God is so awesome that He gives us a choice. God is expecting you to make a spiritually informed choice based on scripture. He also wants you to respond to your choice in obedience to Him. Our responsibility as Christians is to be light. Does Christ’s light shine through your relationship with a non-believer? God wants us to have a mate. It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18 NIV), but our mate should bring us closer to Him.
Is it possible for a non-Christian to bring you closer to Christ? Most likely the answer is no. And anything that pulls you away from Christ and His best for you is dangerous. How then, do we become closer to Christ within an unequally yoked relationship? Reading His Word: Can you read scripture with your non-believing boyfriend? Praying with and for your potential boyfriend can you and a non-believer pray together? Attending church and weekly church activities with your boyfriend: Will your boyfriend be willing to spend 90% of your relationship moments with other Christians or at church? Whether you’re 40 years old or 18 years old, the healthiest Christian relationships/dates prior to marriage will be conducted among other Christians who have a close relationship with Christ.
In order to have a spiritually healthy relationship, we both must have a deep and personal relationship with Christ?
YES! Being in a relationship can be emotional and it’s important that we make good relationship decisions. Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them (Matthew 7:15-20 NKJV). If the guy you’re dating has a deep and personal relationship with Christ, then you will be able to tell by his “fruit”. “Fruit” is the behavior and character that will reflect Christ, the things that come out of his life. Is he for real? Is he kind to his family? Is he a hard worker? Is he honest? Does he work-well with others? How does he react in life-challenging situations? Is he faithful in his commitment to others? Does he serve in church? Do his words match his actions? Anyone can say they’re a Christian. If he says he’s a Christian, can you see it in all that he does or says? Anyone can go to church.
It’s essential to pray for the Holy Spirit to give you spiritual discernment. And in order to have discernment, God must be your Best Friend and you must be in His Word everyday. Let God’s Holy Spirit lead and guide you to make decisions and choices. When God is truly the head of your life and you consult Him when making every life-decision, then you can guarantee that He will help you to tell whether or not the guy you’re dating is genuine about his walk or just faking. It’s not just about “if he goes to church, then he must be a Christian.” It’s about equally yoking yourself with someone who has a very personal and close relationship with Christ. Anyone can say they’re a Christian. But are they truly “walking the walk and talking the talk.” Are they really a doer of the Word? But be ye doers of the Word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves (James 1:22 NKJV).